Growth is one of the most challenging yet essential parts of life. We all have areas where
we long to grow—emotionally, spiritually, physically, relationally. But despite our good
intentions, growth rarely happens just because we want it to. It happens when certain conditions
are met.

Leadership expert John Maxwell offers a simple but profound framework for when people
change:

1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. When they hurt enough, they have to.
                           2. When they see enough, they’re inspired to.
                           3. When they learn enough, they want to.
                           4. When they receive enough, they are able to.

These four areas reflect deep forces that drive personal transformation. The desire to change
makes way for growth and healing.

The Difference Between Change and Growth

Before diving into each condition, it’s important to distinguish between change and
growth. These terms are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same.

Change is an alteration or modification—something that can be positive or negative, and
it can happen with or without our consent. Life can change in an instant due to circumstances
beyond our control. Change can also be lateral, shifting from left to right in value or status.

Growth, on the other hand, implies positive progression. It is usually deliberate, internal,
and conscious. Growth takes time. It’s not just about adapting to life’s shifts but about becoming
better, deeper, and stronger through them. It’s about seeking out the moments and opportunities
that provoke and foster transformation.

In short:

• • • • • • • • • • Change can be immediate; growth is a process.
                  • Change can be external; growth is often internal.
                  • Change can be neutral or negative; growth is inherently beneficial.

Understanding this distinction helps us aim for more than just surviving transitions—we can aim
for true transformation.

1. Pain: “When they hurt enough, they have to.”

Of all the motivators for change, pain is the most universally understood. Most people
don’t evolve when life is comfortable—they change when life becomes unbearable.

In the addiction world, this is called hitting rock bottom. It’s the moment when the pain of
staying the same becomes greater than the fear of change. The body breaks down. The marriage
ends. Mental health collapses. Reality hits hard—and there’s no more running from it.

An old phrase attributed to Joe Louis in 1946 captures this: “You can run, but you can’t
hide.” It carries wisdom. You might try to outrun external problems, but only for so long. And
when the problem is internal, running is futile. People often attempt to hide from themselves
using psychological defenses, but the energy spent on protection leaves little room for growth.
Defense consumes the resources needed for transformation.

A powerful image of this comes from Luke 15, the parable of the Prodigal Son. After
squandering everything, the son finds himself destitute and feeding pigs—an unclean,
humiliating job. The story says, “He came to himself.” Pain cracked him open. It awakened
humility, reflection, and the desire to return to something better.

This is the paradox of pain: it can destroy, or it can awaken. It can make us bitter, or it
can break us open. Pain doesn’t change us by itself—but it pushes us to the edge where change
becomes non-negotiable, and growth becomes possible.

2. Vision: “When they see enough, they’re inspired to.”

If pain pushes, vision pulls. Seeing something new—a possibility, a role model, an
example of healing—can spark the belief that change is not only needed, but possible. It ignites
hope, and hope fuels movement.

But the ability to envision a better future is rooted in something deeper: faith. Not just
religious faith, but the foundational trust that life can respond to me—that things can get better.

This kind of faith starts in infancy. When a child receives “good enough” care and
emotional attunement, they internalize: the world is safe, my needs will be met, I am not alone. That early faith becomes the soil where vision grows.

As we age, life reshapes this faith. But those who retain even a thread of it can imagine a
different life. They can picture themselves healed, whole, or free—even if they haven’t seen it
yet.

And this is the challenge: we’re often surrounded by people with similar wounds. If no
one around you has grown or healed, it’s hard to believe you can. Faith becomes crucial. If you
only trust what you’ve seen, you might believe growth isn’t possible. But faith expands that trust
into the unseen. Vision begins to form.

Without vision, we wander. With it, we move—sometimes slowly, but with purpose.
Faith is fueled by the ability to hear and imagine even what we haven’t seen.

3. Understanding: “When they learn enough, they want to.”

Knowledge is empowering. What looks like apathy or resistance is often just
confusion—someone simply doesn’t know there’s another way. But when we learn something
new—about trauma, the nervous system, boundaries, nutrition, mindset—we begin to reframe
our experience. We shift from “Why me?” to “Now I see.” One of the most life-changing
insights is this: life operates by principles and rules.

Every system has rules—the legal system, the financial system, the educational system.
The same is true for healing and personal growth. There are principles of recovery, restoration,
and transformation. Those who learn them are far more likely to succeed.

Like playing a game without knowing the rules, many people stumble through life
frustrated—not because they’re weak, but because they’re uninformed. But once the rules are
understood, new options emerge. What once felt impossible becomes doable.

When people understand why they’re stuck and how to move forward, the desire to
change often follows. Learning becomes a light that reveals the next step.

4. Support: “When they receive enough, they are able to.”

Growth and healing don’t happen on desire alone—they require capacity. And many
people stay stuck not because they’re unwilling, but because they’re under-resourced.

Like a plant, we need the right conditions to grow. A plant doesn’t thrive by willpower—it
needs:

• • • • • • • • • • Light – Inspiration, encouragement
                  • Water – Supportive relationships
                  • Air – Emotional freedom and honesty
                  • Nutrients – Tools, skills, habits
                  • Warmth – Love, grace, safety
                  • Space – Margin, rest, healthy boundaries
                  • Microbes – Community, connection
                  • Biodiversity – Variety of perspectives and inputs

If even one of these is missing, growth can be stunted. The same is true for us. Sometimes we
can’t change because the support just isn’t there—emotionally, practically, or relationally.

But when we finally receive enough—therapy, encouragement, resources, healthy
environments—we become capable of a kind of change we never imagined. Support doesn’t
cause growth, but it creates the space where growth can take root.

Summary: Growth and Healing Aren’t Magic. They’re Movement.

Growth and healing are complex, but they’re not random. They often require a combination
of pain, vision, understanding, and support. These may not arrive all at once, but together, they
make growth possible.

• • • • • • • • • • Pain awakens us.
                  • Vision directs us.
                  • Understanding equips us.
                  • Support sustains us.

When we understand the difference between change and growth, we stop chasing quick fixes
and start cultivating true transformation.

If you’re seeking growth—or trying to support someone who is—remember: people
change when the right conditions are in place. If you can’t change yet, it might not be a failure of
will—but a gap in support, understanding, or vision. When those align, growth becomes not just
possible—but inevitable. Your growth matters. And it’s possible.

Chris Winfrey, M.D.